Tag: child strengths

Understanding and supporting a child with ADD or ADHD

Understanding and supporting a child with ADD or ADHD

Boy-with-ADD

This article contributed by the Diamond Ranch Academy.

Life with a child with ADD or ADHD can be trying and overwhelming. However, as a parent there are practical measures you can take to effectively control and minimize your child’s symptoms without controlling and monitoring their every move.

You help your child overcome daily challenges by redirecting his or her energy into positive activities. You start by having a dialogue with your child and family that honestly communicates the situation in a way that does not accuse them of being “bad”.  Their behavior needs improvement, but speak as if it’s a ‘normal’ problem that must be addressed.

Children with ADD or ADHD typically have shortcomings in executive function: the ability to think and plan ahead, organize, control impulses, and complete tasks. This means that you need to take over as the executive, providing extra direction while your child progressively obtains executive skills of his or her own. With tolerance, kindness, and plenty of family teamwork, you can help your child manage childhood ADD or ADHD and maintain a steady, happy home

You must to be able to master a combination of support and predictability.

Living in a home that provides love and lots of structure is the best thing for a child or teenager who is learning to manage ADD/ADHD. There are effective and simple changes you can make that are easy to implement; we offer four practical tips to help you understand and support your child with ADD or ADHD:

1.  Be honest with your child about ADD or ADHD
distracted girlIt is important not to avoid or ignore your child’s condition. ADD or ADHD is not your child’s fault, it is a brain disorder that causes young people to have trouble focusing, completing tasks, or planning the future. Most parents can reframe things, but don’t look at the negative. Your child should understand it is something they can and should manage. The rest of your family should do this too.

2.  Stay Positive
dad-and-sonWhen calm and focused, you are more likely to get your child’s attention and help him or her to be peaceful and attentive. And keep things in perspective. Your child’s behavior is related to a disorder, so most of the time it is not deliberate. Don’t sweat the small stuff; be willing to negotiate certain matters. For example, if one chore is left undone but your child has already completed two chores and their homework for the day, let it go and appreciate what they were able to complete. Staying positive also means believing and trusting your child. Trust that your child will learn, change, mature, and succeed.  Trust that your child wants to!

Taking care of yourself will allow you to take better care of your child.

It is vital to live a full, healthy life because you are the child’s role model and source of strength. Eat right, exercise, and find ways to reduce stress. Getting involved with organizations related to ADD or ADHD will also provide you with safe places to vent your frustrations and share experiences.

3.  Establish structure, enforce rules and consequences calmly

boy and garden

Help your child with ADD or ADHD to stay attentive and prepared by setting a strict routine. Set a time and place for everything to help your child with ADD or ADHD comprehend and meet expectations. Allow extra time for what your child needs to do, such as homework, chores, and getting ready in the morning.  Keep them busy but not too busy—a child with ADD or ADHD will become more distracted and act up if there are too many after-school activities going on.

Create structure in your home so your child knows what to expect and when.

Children with ADHD are more likely to succeed if they can complete tasks when the tasks occur in probable patterns and in foreseeable places. Children with ADHD need rules because it helps them track time and progress. Make the behavior rules simple and clear. Write down the rules and hang them up in a place where your child can read them. Children with ADD or ADHD respond exceptionally well to prearranged systems of rewards and consequences. It’s important to explain what will happen when the rules are obeyed and when they are broken. Finally, stick to your system by following through each and every time with a reward or a consequence.

4.  Encourage movement and sleep

teenstalkingChildren with ADD or ADHD often have a lot of energy to burn. Organized sports and other physical activities can help them get their energy out in healthy ways, and refine their focus while enjoying the development of new skills and abilities. Exercise leads to better sleep with children with ADD or ADHD, which also reduces symptoms of ADD or ADHD. Children with ADD or ADHD often find “white noise” to be calming when sleeping. You can create white noise by putting a radio on static or running an electric fan, for example.

Guest Post by: Diamond Ranch Academy
Diamond Ranch Academy is one of the premier youth residential treatment centers for struggling teens. Since 1999, the highly trained staff at this facility has provided guidance and support for teens with varying emotional and behavioral issues including; substance abuse, depression, ADHD, impulse control, peer pressure, anger management, oppositional defiance, self-esteem, grief/loss issues, family relationships, communication, and academic struggles.

Note from blog owner, I am not personally familiar with Diamond Ranch Academy and this post is not an endorsement, but this post offers good information for any parent of a child with ADD or ADHD.  For ideas on what to look for in a good residential program, see the post Residential treatment checklist

–Margaret

The Good Things about Bad Kids

The Good Things about Bad Kids

Take an average car.  If a salesman calls the car a “cherry”, it means it’s in perfect condition. But if a salesman calls the same car a “lemon”, it means it has expensive mechanical problems.  The name means everything to a buyer, whether it’s accurate or not.

See strengths

If you see a ‘lemon’ child, it will change the way you anticipate behavior and treat him or her.  Start noticing your child’s “cherry” behaviors.  What’s great about him or her?  Even problematic behaviors are strengths in some circumstances.  For example: resistance and wilfulness are good survival traits for the future:

  1. Your child will need to resist being taken advantage of.
  2. He or she will need to resist ‘friends’ who pressure them to use drugs.
  3. Your child will need to stick with schoolwork or a job without the distractions of parties or alcohol or other time bandits.

Make a list of ‘awesome-ness’

Mom carries this in her purse, always.

What is your child or teen good at?  When is he or she at their best?  What character “flaw” is actually a good thing?  What shows intelligence, nimble thinking, a sense of right and wrong, athletic prowess, social maturity, artistic depth, or compassion for those who are vulnerable?

It’s not important to know why they have problems.  It’s important to know what strengths they have to overcome them.

An overwhelmed mom once asked for help with her adult son and daughter. They were still not ready for adulthood, in fact, they were both falling apart.  They needed her more than she could handle emotionally.  After she shared all her concerns, I asked her to list what was great about them.  It took her off guard at first, but she scribbled out a few things and kept the list, and many months later pulled it out to show me that she still referred to it. She said it totally changed her mindset.

Instead of working on your child’s weaknesses, help your child master existing strengths.

Allow your child ample time to do the positive things he or she is already good at, the things that bring out self-esteem and confidence.  Proactively provide the materials and time to attend a class or camp, join a team, write poetry, make art or music, train the dog, style a friend’s hair… anything he or she can be proud of that has value for their future.  Your child’s behavior will improve, and your mutual interactions will improve.

Use the positive power of self-fulfilling prophecy

In her list , my friend wrote that her daughter had compassion for people and wanted to make the world a better place.  What would you suggest this mother do to support her 24-year-old daughter’s interests and strengths?  One idea:  tell her daughter she believed she would be “a natural” at this.  Another idea:  encourage her daughter to get involved in a charity organization.  And the daughter did.

Video game skills translate to other, more useful activities.

Lets take another situation where your troubled son plays online video games to the exclusion of all else.  What do you see?  Rapid mental processing, hand-eye coordination, focus, a passion for technology.  If you need to limit the video-gaming, what can you replace it with?  There are robot kits for kids; he could build a robot and program its behavior.  A remote control helicopter could be given an obstacle course to go through.  Perhaps the obstacles are altered to make them harder to get through. Perhaps there’s a reward for getting through a really difficult course.  Use your imagination, and ask your son to do the same.  Collaborate.  It’s a better form of interaction and it plays to his natural gifts and interests.

Make a point of noticing the good side. They ALL HAVE A GOOD SIDE.

It’s a disability, that’s why they can’t be good at everything

Let’s be realistic, some children with serious mental health problems may never be well-rounded or competent in the many subjects and skills they need for adulthood.  (It is the tragedy of their disability.)  If this is your child, they’ll probably do better in the long run if not pressured to overcome their weaknesses with extra classwork, homework, or incessant behavioral modifications.  Your son or daughter can catch up later, or if they can’t, they at least have something to carry with them into adulthood.

Now about YOU

What are YOUR strengths as a person and as a parent?

  1. You care enough to go online and learn how to be a better parent.
  2. You admit that you need help, and you know how to find it.
  3. (now add your own… and be generous with yourself)
  4.         “
  5.         “

 

–Margaret

Parent to Parent Guidance

Parent to Parent Guidance

Margaret Puckette is a Certified Parent Support Provider, and assists parents on how to effectively raise their troubled child. She believes parents need realistic practical guidance for family life and school, not just information about disorders. Margaret has mentored families for over 20 years. She is an author & speaker, and knows from personal experience there is reason for hope.

You Can Handle This.

You Can Handle This.

You are not alone. It's no one's fault. Behavior disorders are disabilities! Troubled children need a very different parenting approach than 'normal' kids.

Care for yourself first, then set new goals:
1. Physical and emotional safety for all
2. Acceptance of the way things are
3. Family balance, meet the needs of all
4. One step at a time, one day at a time

Practical Guide for Parents

Practical Guide for Parents

A guide with practical steps for reducing stress at home and successfully raising a troubled child. You use the same proven techniques as mental health and other professionals. It starts by taking care of your wellbeing first, then taking an entirely different approach to parenting.
Amazon $14.99, Kindle $5.99