Manage Behavior

You first reduce the symptoms - a basic approach to mental health treatment. A bipolar child might need therapy as well as medication, an autistic child might need a dietary change, a depressed child will do best with both therapy and an antidepressant (as shown by the latest research).

The next steps are to help your child recognize and manage their symptoms on their own.

1. First you observe their behavior in the here-and-now without emotions or judgment. Notice when they seem to doing well and carefully make note of the setting: in the morning? during a meal? around lots of activity or when alone? Now pay attention to what makes behavior worse, the triggers.
2. Remove triggers that set off unsafe behavior. Triggers can be simple things like transitions from one environment to another, which feels to your child like “changing channels” too quickly. Example: going to or from school can disorient a troubled child: how can you alter the abrupt change? Next, pay attention to what is often said to your child and how it's said. The wrong tone of voice can be a serious trigger: a child may run or hurt themselves if there is yelling or family chaos that overwhelms them.
3. Look for little things that calm or improve your child's behavior. Several disorders of children and teens do better when in a quiet room alone (schizophrenia, autism, anxiety for examples) Some children and teens need music and activity around them to settle their nerves and help them focus (ADHD) Some do better with rigorous exercise (depression), or some need to do yoga poses or keep their hands busy (anxiety disorders).
4. OFFER LOTS OF PRAISE! Catch your child or teenager doing something good.
5. Negotiate. This may seem counterintuitive, but yes, you can negotiate with your child and you won't be giving in or giving them too much power. This technique is called Collaborative Problem Solving or CPS, and it works remarkable well for children and adults with mental disorders. There is so much good information about CPS that there's not enough room on this site to do it justice. Check out these books by the expert, Ross W. Greene.

Your child is utterly unique. There is no one right way — adjust your approach and be flexible. Trust your observations and judgment. Plan ahead for incidents (they will happen) and prevent stressful situations ahead of time. Your child or teenager can’t manage themselves easily or they would do it regularly. Troubled children and teens thrive on consistency. Keep every day the same, keep every task the same — avoid changes as much as possible, because change itself can bring on stress.

updated September 2009

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