Is your child’s psychiatrist listening to you?

Is your child’s psychiatrist listening to you?

True story:

After a lengthy 2-hour session and a series of questions asked of both mother and teenaged son, the psychiatrist wrote:  “the mother is over exaggerating her son’s behavior.  He can’t possibly have all the symptoms she describes.”  Later, the mother said, “I was completely ignored; this doctor affirmed [my son’s] disrespect for me, in front of me, and [my son] got the idea I was full of it and didn’t need to take his meds.”  With the mother’s authority undermined, she lost an opportunity to get treatment for her son sooner.  He was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia, and hospitalized several times.

 

What makes this situation tragic is that early medication, prior to the first psychotic break, prevents the loss of gray matter that occurs in schizophrenia.  This doctor’s unprofessional and judgmental behavior hurt the recovery prospects for this family.  This kind of dismissal of parents should never happen.  I’ve heard many complain that doctors, therapists, or teachers don’t listen to them, or that they subtly or overtly blame parents for their child’s problems.  Researchers found this to be widely true.  In an article titled “Uncharted Waters – The Experience of Parents of Young People with Mental Health Problems,” the author writes:

 

“Parents’ distress is exacerbated by their need for expertise, but from those who don’t take their concerns seriously.”

Harden, J, 2005. Qualitative Health Research, 15(2), 207-223.

 

I always appeared to be overly upset and stressed whenever I brought my child to see her psychiatrist because, leading up to any appointment, were a series of challenges and acts of resistance that were stressful and frustrating.  It appeared to the psychiatrist, time and time again, that I was the problem… just like she suspected.  All I could do was sit in the waiting room while my daughter was in session, and imagine my daughter saying terrible things about me and the doctor believing her.  All I could do was wonder if the psychiatrist could see through it all and know that I, the mom, was doing everything possible to help my daughter, that I was a good parent. Could the doctor see this and give me some hope?

 

Don’t accept being treated as anything less than a full partner.

 

Insist that the whole family get time with the psychiatrist, without the troubled child or teen, to check-in and see how everyone is doing.  Make the appointment and tell the doctor why.  Your family needs to say things they wouldn’t ordinarily say when the child is around.  They need to open up secrets and let out difficult feelings without the fear of setting off an explosion later.  The doctor needs a full picture of the child’s life at home, and use this as an opportunity to help the family work through challenges in ways that support everyone’s well being.

 

Insist on being told what to expect.  Another common experience is that parents are not told what to expect from treatment or why.  You need to know everything they know, even if the professionals are still unclear about a diagnosis or treatment approach.  Your child may have many physiological or psychological tests, expensive medications, or visits to many different kinds of ‘ologists’, and you may still not be clear on where the inquiry is going, why, and what the doctors or therapists are looking for.

 

Insist that they consider your daily experiences.  Since a psychiatrist observes your child only during an appointment, they aren’t fully aware of the types of situations that aggravate your child’s behavior.  You are the expert on your child and their behavior patterns; you are the expert on what drives them, and on what drives them crazy.  You know that, behind-the-scenes, much of what your child does is easily missed by a psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist.  An experienced professional will listen to you and ask more questions.  You should expect them to seek clarity on your child instead of assuming they already know everything about them and your family.

 

Team up.  It takes both you and the psychiatrist working together, in partnership, to identify all the symptoms that lead to a working diagnosis.  You and the psychiatrist are a team that works together to do what’s best for your child.  And don’t forget, since you have all the responsibilities, your needs must always be considered when a doctor is developing a treatment plan.

 

–Margaret

What have your experiences been?  Your comments inform others who read this article.

One Reply to “Is your child’s psychiatrist listening to you?”

  1. This is an extremely important issue, thank you for sending a clear message to parents that they need to be part of their child’s treatment. This is a fundamental part of my work as a child psychologist. Though it feels like musical chairs in my office at times, I always have parents in first briefly, then work with the child, then have parents in at the end to share the work from the session. Parents are on the front line, their observations and interventions are invaluable.

    I have written three books for parents in the Freeing Your Child series (Anxiety, OCD and Negative Thinking) with the goal of giving parents the inside scoop of how they can handle these issues at home and be on the same page as (or sometimes a few chapters ahead of) their child’s therapist.

    If you are interested in learning more about these issues, please take a look at: http://www.freeingyourchild.com.

    Thank you again for putting this important message on the radar.

    All best,
    Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.

Your views help other readers.

Parent to Parent Guidance

Parent to Parent Guidance

Margaret Puckette is a Certified Parent Support Provider, and assists parents on how to effectively raise their troubled child. She believes parents need realistic practical guidance for family life and school, not just information about disorders. Margaret has mentored families for over 20 years. She is an author & speaker, and knows from personal experience there is reason for hope.

You Can Handle This.

You Can Handle This.

You are not alone. It's no one's fault. Behavior disorders are disabilities! Troubled children need a very different parenting approach than 'normal' kids.

Care for yourself first, then set new goals:
1. Physical and emotional safety for all
2. Acceptance of the way things are
3. Family balance, meet the needs of all
4. One step at a time, one day at a time

Practical Guide for Parents

Practical Guide for Parents

A guide with practical steps for reducing stress at home and successfully raising a troubled child. You use the same proven techniques as mental health and other professionals. It starts by taking care of your wellbeing first, then taking an entirely different approach to parenting.
Amazon $14.99, Kindle $5.99

%d bloggers like this: