The good things about bad kids13 votes
Take an average car. If a salesman calls the car a “cherry”, it means it’s in perfect condition. But if a salesman calls the same car a “lemon”, it means it has expensive mechanical problems. The name means everything to a buyer, true or not.
If you apply the same concept to your child, it will change the way you think about and treat him or her. You’ve been enduring disturbed or stressful behavior–this is glaringly obvious–but notice the “cherry” behaviors when you are getting relief from the “lemons.” What’s great about him or her? Even problematic behaviors are strengths in some … Continue reading
Five-minute wisdom for parenting troubled children and teens6 votes
From many years of counseling parents, I’ve found the following parenting wisdom quickly helps parents understand, clarify priorities, and take the next steps.
You are not alone. All families experience the same fears no matter what the child’s challenges: guilt, anger, frustration, failure, and mental and physical exhaustion.
There is a way. The steps to finding peace in the home are the same for all families.
You can start now. You can improve behavior without having a diagnosis, and the techniques work for the majority of difficult children.
There is reason for HOPE. They have the capacity to do better. With support and … Continue reading
Therapy types explained: DBT, CBT, CPS, and others3 votes
The fantastic news about the brain is that it can heal itself by talking with someone! And there is ample evidence to back this up.
The therapist or psychologist who works with your child or teen will use a type of therapy or “modality” based on their symptoms or diagnosis, because some work better for mood disorders, some work better for defiant children, some work … Continue reading
What to do when they stop listening4 votes
At some point in their development, all kids stop listening. It’s frustrating but normal. There are lots of good advice for getting normal children and teens to listen, or at least follow the rules and directions given by the parent.But it’s different when your child has serious behavioral disorder, and when their behaviors are extreme or outright risky. Your priority may be to prevent destructive behavior and family chaos when they hate you, blame you, or are willing to take extreme risks. Then who cares about the dishes or homework?
First things first, avoid upsetting yourself.
Avoid repeating things over … Continue reading
Life at home is a war zone2 votes
Homes with troubled children are war zones–very different from those with physically-disabled kids. We can’t make things better for our child with wheelchairs or ramps or other specialized equipment. We need serious fire power. This story tells what it’s like to live with our child, seek mental health treatment, and find social and emotional support for ourselves. It is inspired by, and much quoted from, Emily Perl Kingsley’s “Welcome to Holland,” about having with a son with cerebral palsy. The original is at the end of this article.
Welcome to the War Zone